A Tedious Delusion

Considering one should back up their' smart phone on a regular basis, the harping over T-Mobile's recent crash strikes me as ridiculous. Yes it's important to support end users' needs and come through with support when failure happens but what do we expect as consumers?  A $100 gift card and a free month of data would certainly make me happy, seeing as how a crash could come at any point in time and I'd be ignored for it.  I'm not impressed by PC World in this case, not at all.

Linkage: T-Mobile customers outraged

 I walked into the over-crowded room full of people who looked a lot like me.  Some were wearing bandanas in their hair, the common fashion of femmes at the time. Some were wearing pajamas stolen from dorm rooms across the way. All were seated or standing awkwardly, passing the time with smiles or frowns and wondering who would pick them up first. Some were already playing the field. Some had never before thought it was possible. Some were from rural towns more removed than this and had never met another person who shared the same desires they did.

I sat down next to a fellow fat chick and watched as seasoned women and men knelt down and began painting on a giant piece of wood. We remarked over the talent (or lack of) and noticed we were both hungry at the same time. Three months and a few fast food meals later we were in different circles and experiencing queerness in different ways.

It was through the college-based GLBT circuit that I met my first compadres in glitter and where I began toying with my own gender. It was through fellow travelers than I learned what it meant to be a part of a culture that was not defined during childhood, not taught in elementary schools. I marched and stormed alongside and sometimes at the folks who were just as ostracized in a small Ohio town as I was. We were all afraid of what could happen but didn't think it would happen to any of us.

It was through fellow queers that I learned about my own sexuality, that I learned to embrace the difference between my gender performance and who I slept with. It was through wearing a skirt for the first time by choice and perfecting my mascara that I met fierce warrior femmes who would hold me up when the glitter and heels weren't enough. It was through some of these femmes and femme-loving queers that I discovered kink. And it's been through fellow women and transfolk that I've been able to explore my own dirty, perverted sensibilities and incorporate them into my whole queer self.

As a girl from the wrong side of the tracks with no sane family to speak of, no one to call home, I've found a whole family of queers, kinksters, freaks and I"m in love with every single one of them.

Thank you to my community of crazy, kinky, queer, gender-bending fantastic geeky friends and loved ones; you make staying out that much more joyous.

xoxo

More on National Coming Out Day.

One foot in front of the other and I'm pretending
you're not on the screen flashing,
morbid as it is I'm walking down the center
not intending to veer
vibrating past the graveyard and hoping
if I learn the right words it'll change
and we can go back to midnight three weeks
and four days ago when hovering above moonlight
we grasped hands and gasped into one another
and giggled all the way back into family
and what felt like home.

My shell is too large without you
the ridges too deeply grooved for one
but you're moving on and I'm shouldering
this crab loosing the battle, exoskeletal
and crouching above one measly patch of grass
this is real, she says - this is all she has
tangible and evidence that the rest of the yard existed

I tried to scoop her up today, put her in a jar
seal the lid and take her to a different ocean
same landscape, same smells
different grooves
but there's only so far a glass can travel
when dangling above the median
as I danced with oncoming traffic
I kept forgetting she needed my pocket
and I took off my dress

Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll hunt for her
dig in the grass, bring a better jar
tonight I'll settle for this shard stuck in my hand
and the smell of burning rubber so close to my foot
dust myself off and wink at the traffic light
score one for midnight  

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: Fibromyalgia
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2006
3. But I had symptoms since: 2004
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: physical activity, socialization
5. Most people assume: I'm just blind
6. The hardest part about mornings are: getting my body working, lifting the fog
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Does Dead Like Me count?
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my cell phone - it's my memory
9. The hardest part about nights are: having enough energy to pack lunch, do chores around the house and play with the dog
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins: I only take an anti-depressant; I have anti-anxiety meds as needed and I take ibuprofen often
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have done my own research and made my own choices
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I have both, they both suck
13. Regarding working and career: I work full time, just finished a Master's program and will continue to do schoolwork.  It's a lot of energy and I feel drained most of the time.....I can't afford not to.
14. People would be surprised to know: I'm in constant pain
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: the way people view/possibly view and/or treat me.  I'm not incapable and ignorant.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: finish my master's
17. The commercials about my illness: involve middle-aged women talking about joint pain.  I'm young - this affects everyone!
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: The diagnosis wasn't pivotal in initializing self-care, in fact I was already stopping things to avoid pain.  I miss being treated seriously and not as a drug-seeker by doctors though...
19. It was really hard to have to give up: my humanity
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: I haven't really taken up a new hobby, life stays the same!
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: jog
22. My illness has taught me: that my body is fragile, all bodies are fragile, and we have to take really good care and listen to what our bodies tell us
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "How bad is your pain?" instead of asking if I want to do something.....let me decide, don't ask about pain levels!
24. But I love it when people: accept my slower pace or brain fog
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: just keep swimming....
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: just keep swimming....
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: the degree of misinformation and assumptions out in the world
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: hear me and bring me helpful things and then let me be
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: it's important to spread awareness about chronic, invisible illnesses - we are all over the place, not some goofy commercial and still contribute to the world in our own ways...
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: m'eh.

Taken From National Invisible Chronic Illness Week
 

I love hearing Dar's version of "midnight radio" from Hedwig.  Mmmm it's delicious!  I need to be working though.

Here:  (link to video is here)

Kate Clinton Closes a Chapter of CNW
For our very last author event of this CNW era, we couldn't have asked for a better, smarter, funnier woman than the iconic Kate Clinton.

Clinton's new book, I Told You So, spans refreshingly disparate topics: sexual hypocrisy and gay marriage; 9/11 and its aftermath; girls gone wild and boys gone to war; Hillary Clinton and U.S. politics; baptism and waterboarding; intelligent design and body shows; P-town and families of choice; and even bee colony and other collapses. What unites the essays is a Mobius strip of humor intended not to dissipate outrage but rather to motivate action.
FREE! Wednesday, May 27 @ 6:00PM - Brattle Theater, 40 Brattle Street, Cambridge. Co-presented with Harvard Book Store.

COME TO THIS - I'm going to make a facebook invite.

Last CNW author reading ever!

xoxo
etana
 

TranScriptions
featuring Raven Kaldera
Thursday, May 14; doors @ 7:15
Spontaneous Celebrations, 45 Danforth St, JP
$5-10 at the door, cash only please!

TranScriptions is Boston's newest queer-themed open mic night.
Featuring poets, writers, musicians, performers, activists, and YOUR
creative expression of all kinds, TranScriptions is a radically
inclusive space and always welcomes allies.

Our May feature, Raven Kaldera, is a shaman, FTM intersex activist,
homesteader, astrologer, author, pervert, and general
boundary-crosser. He is a founding member of the First Kingdom Church
of Asphodel, and the author of too many books to list here, including
Hermaphrodeities: The Transgender Spirituality Workbook and Dark Moon
Rising: Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path. He is the co-editor of Best
Transgender Erotica. 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.

Don't miss our pride event June 11 featuring the Femme Show!

Some Satisfied, others outraged with verdict for immigrant's death.
article here

It wasn't the smell necessarily, the cured meat steaming
or the beans melting on tongue twisted into
words fell onto pavement like jalapeno
my eyes watering, it was all I could do
first fists balled tight, then feet steel toed
pounding down upon you
until red, the color of my flag
flowing
covering
smearing
the stain of you on my arms glistening
until panting I reached down and squeezed -
your neck now like bread braiding
properly, I'm
reforming
reshaping
reconstituting
you walked easily, too comfortable
like gaucamole I preferred you smashed and covered
my mouth now smiling, my belly full
I've consumed and conquered
I've paid a small fee
to exit satiated

 

I'm stealing this from onceupon who stole it from someone else.


OMG WTF BBQ AMAZON HATES TEH GAYZ LETS ALL SHOUT ABOUT IT SO THAT EVERYONE KNOWS AND MAYBE HAVE SOME CHICKEN CUZ IT LOVES THE GAYS. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!!

txt lj might work!

You are smoke on the island
and I'm a fishing boat broken but staying
just above water while you hover above me
I am bobbing faster as the waves take me
harder now you're getting further from me
but I can still taste you in my throat
and feel your sting in my eyes, you are smoke
and the island is a distant bit of land under the same sky
you are clinging to the splinters of what's left of me
here, take the oars and be done with what you couldn't keep
bobbing slower as the waves settle around me you are not destiny
but feel just as unavoidable, so steady you are in memory
while I float along now patiently you are dissipating
as I remember you now, love and rolling above to where the sun
can sting your eyes and bring relief to my water-clogged joints
you are smoke wafting above and I am the survivor of this
a hapless island fire

A few weeks ago, my two little white cousins asked me about "that black guy who hit his girlfriend, Rihanna." While their uncle and father reminded them about the innocence-until-proven-guilty clause in the penal code. I wanted to start by naming the two people, using facts instead of watered down or racially charged language, taping their' uncle's mouth to avoid teaching him about what happens when men with too much white male privilege talk to me.

I'm not sure they got much out of the conversation but I started reading more about what the media was teaching them. I can't say I was shocked that the situation played out the way it did, but I can say that the following article (behind the cut) is exactly what needs to be said. I wish this were on tv instead of Extra! and perezhilton.com.

( Read more... )

Puppy Bowl V: 3pm Feb 1, 2009 on Animal Planet.

Attendees? Possible gathering I am attending perhaps.

Beuller? Comment.

There's the quickening
then this double-over in your gut
as veins pop and blood starts to boil
three second later you're catching air
gulps gag past shocked muscles
and your ears begin to ring

tick...tock...

Now five seconds have passed
and you're back
control in your' grasp
and the hold of something keenly incorrect
not mysterious, no - not likely
the smell of carbon and blood mingling
you can't remember why
you'd rather be crying or
this day was just as normal as any other
and the blue pills of solitude not offered
like sacrifice to the gods of paler faces
white coats and IV needles
you felt like sanity rolling for fourty five hours

tick...tock...

The earth rotates around the sun and
you're still here and
you're still popping from that plastic bottle
didn't think you'd let go so fast
or did you?
Spin the dial, darling...heart pounding
fingers flailing
'cause it feels good to remember your feet
planted firmly on the ground

Dear Victor Reader Stream Friends:

The launch of the new Bookshare.org site has prevented playback of the DAISY version of Bookshare books on the Stream. In preparing the new site Bookshare needed to reprocess their books to accomodate new external book sources to support their expanded services. This reprocessing caused a problem with the DAISY version of their books which they have now corrected. If you re-download your book from Bookshare.org it should now play on your Stream.

Also, with the new zip format for the Bookshare.org book many of you have noticed some new files that are present in the DAISY version of the book. These include files ending in .css, xsl, and DTD. You have asked if these files are required by the Stream. The answer is no but they require such a small amount of space that you do not need to remove them from your SD card. It is ok to unzip all the files of the Bookshare.org DAISY zip file into a sub-folder of $VRDTB. These new files will not affect the Stream.


Thank you,
The HumanWare Team

Enjoy the breakfast line-up.

Petsi Pies: http://www.petsipies.com best pies in Somerville.

You have to love KD!

RE: guide dogs article - what a shame!
Heidi Jury Parker <heidij@peta.org> Mon, Jan 12, 2009 at 4:22 PM
To: bealjk@gmail.com

Dear Ms. Beal,

Thank you for your e-mail. Please allow me to respond on behalf of Ms. Nachminovitch.
( Read more... )

My mother is not a blight but is not something pleasant to listen to
on repeat, seemingly succinct and in conjunction with the Golden Globes
'worlds' best mom' never written on her coffee cup.

It's sad inside to know any connection we have is delirium and her brain holding on to brief synapse enough
to tell me she's dating an African American and it doesn't matter to her, that she's filing bankruptcy like all her friends are and she's having a good time in a church with 2,000+ attendees.

May we never grow up to be our mothers static on the phone always switching channels and arms length to find a better way to listen less...harder.